- Category: Social
- Published: Wednesday, 07 March 2012 10:22
If you have been feeling insecure and more than a little suspicious about whether your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you, think about whether the following major signs are familiar. It is crucial, however, to realise that everything on this list can also be explained in other ways. These thirteen signs do paint a picture of the stereotypical cheating partner, but they do not in themselves provide conclusive evidence. After reviewing these signs, we will explore how best to approach your partner about the subject of potential infidelity.
1. Your partner overreacts when you go near his phone or computer:
If your partner panics or starts being territorial the moment you go anywhere near any device that he can use for personal messages, this may be because he is planning a nice surprise for you. More often than not, however, this apprehensive secrecy will be because he feels guilty about some aspect of his correspondence. In some cases, this secret correspondence will unfortunately consist in salacious exchanges or in plans to meet his other lover. A new and extreme interest in privacy is always a sign that you should consider whether your partner might be cheating on you.
2. Your partner is avoiding sex (or seems dispassionate during sex):
A cheating partner will often bluster and offer quite unconvincing or insincere sounding excuses to get out of having sex with you. In addition, if he seems to be a million miles away or even looks bored while you are making love, this is definitely a sign that something is profoundly wrong (whether it can be explained by cheating or by something else entirely).
3. Your partner gives evasive answers to simple or fair questions:
If you find that your partner stalls you or gives strange answers when you ask straightforward questions about his plans for the day or about what he has been doing, consider that this might be because he is trying to find an appropriate lie (and is worried about being caught out). A similar warning sign consists in your partner demanding that you explain why you want to know what you’re asking, when what you are asking is simply a polite or curious question that he did not used to criticise you for asking.
4. Being around your friends or family seems to make your partner uncomfortable:
If your partner used to like going to family gatherings or meeting your friends for dinner and drinks, something is amiss if he suddenly stops showing interest in these activities. A cheating husband or boyfriend will often feel particularly guilty about his activities when he is around other people who love and care for you, and so he will isolate himself from your friends and family.
5. There is a new friend that you are not encouraged to meet:
If your partner is talking about or spending a lot of time with a new colleague or friend, be suspicious if he attempts to steer you away from any possible chances to meet this new friend. This is a particularly important warning sign if your husband or boyfriend is either overly enthusiastic about constantly mentioning this person no matter what the context, or if he is extremely cagey about revealing any details about this mysterious new person who is taking up so much of his time..
6. Your partner is spending a lot more time ‘at work’:
In some cases, a cheating partner truly will be spending time at work, because he will be cheating on you with someone he happens to have met at work. However, in other cases he will claim to be working late or say that he is taking on new work obligations when in actual fact he will be at a hotel or will be visiting his other lover’s home.
7. Your partner always seems distracted:
Many personal problems and stresses can lead to your partner looking somewhat spaced out or distracted. One such problem, however, is infidelity. When a husband or boyfriend cheats, he is usually at least somewhat infatuated with the new person he is seeing. This leads to all the usual daydreaming and obsessive thoughts, and to an inability to properly concentrate on the 'mundane' aspects of daily life.
8. There have been changes in your partner’s regular habits and schedules:
If your partner’s movements suddenly become unpredictable or confusing in ways that are not properly explained, this is cause to worry that he is hiding something significant. Warning signs include things like random trips to the grocery store that somehow last around an hour, not being at home at a time that he assured you he would be home by, and abruptly hanging up the phone when you walk into the room.
9. Your partner smells differently:
Though most cheating partners take steps to make sure that they do not smell of another person’s cologne or perfume, sometimes an unfaithful husband or boyfriend will still slip up and fail to think about whether he is carrying this scent home with him.
10.You are being disproportionately nagged or criticised:
When people have affairs, sometimes the guilt leads them to extreme lengths to help justify their affair. This can manifest in an increased willingness to find fault with their primary partner, so that they do not view the primary partner as being victimised.
11. You find a different kind of birth control to the kind the two of you use together:
If you find condoms when one of you is sterile or when your form of birth control is a hormonal contraceptive like the pill, this is obviously strong cause to suspect that your partner might be playing away from home.
12. Your partner has a suddenly renewed interest in appearance and sexiness:
If your partner starts being more interested in his looks then this might be due to self-esteem problems or concerns about growing old, but sometimes it will be because he is out to impress someone new. If your partner starts buying a lot of new clothes, or is taking a strangely long time to get ready before going out to do things that he claims are mundane, this is a reason to be at least somewhat suspicious. It is definitely a warning sign if this new interest in appearance is not accompanied by any interest in whether you like his new clothes, style or efforts.
13. Your partner insists on immediately showering upon returning home:
A cheating husband or boyfriend will often want to go straight to the shower when he gets back from seeing their other lover. Sometimes this is so that you will not smell the other person on his skin, but at other times this might be due to feelings of guilt and a desire to cleanse himself of his wrongdoing.
If you recogniSe more than half of the above signs, your suspicions about infidelity are justified. However, this does not mean that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you, and you could end up being the one who is dumped if you erroneously accuse him of being so heinously dishonest with you. The most sensible thing you can do is to offer your evidence and calmly admit your suspicions, then see what he says in response. If it turns out that your partner has been cheating but is willing to stop, consider whether you could ever forgive or trust him again. If you think you could make the relationship work again, try going to couple’s therapy together once your partner has entirely severed ties with the other woman or man in his life.